Black Is The Coldest Color
by cosmicphil
Summary: A high school senior name Dan was never one to believe in love at first sight. His life is changed when he meets Phil, a young college student with black hair, who will allow him to discover desire, to assert himself as a man and as an adult. In front of others, Dan grows, seeks himself, loses himself and ultimately finds himself through love and loss.
1. Chapter One

**A/N: Rated Mature for adult scenes and adult language in future chapters. Trigger warning: Homophobia and abuse in future chapters.**

It is a crisp, autumn Friday. Dan is at school. He never really pays attention in his classes. His teacher is making them read _'The Life of Marianne'_ today. A yawn crawls out of his throat. Dan's teacher glares at him.

"Pay attention, Mr. Howell," Dan's teacher commands. The class stares at him, then return to their books. He continues to pretend to read. Dan's eyes would draw their attention to a girl in his class. The girl name is Riley. Dan has feelings for Riley, but he isn't sure if Riley feels the same way. He fell in love with the way she taps her fingernails on her desk when she is impatient, her soft, full, pink lips, and the way she twirls her pale blonde hair when she is bored. The teacher sets her book down, then turns to the class.

"Now class, do any of you believe in love at first sight?" she asks. Riley raises her hand. She addresses Riley. "Why do you believe in love at first sight, Ms. Knight?"

"It's simple. Love, even just romantic love comes in a lot of different forms. You move from the passionate obsessive love to a calmer sense of familiarity. Love at first sight is just an intense manifestation of the first. Having said that, it usually gets steadily stronger for a little while, and peaks about two months into knowing someone,"

"The idea that love is only something that grows with familiarity is far more an idealization than love at first sight, because it implies there is a rational growth in intimacy. That would make sense, and for a lot of people that's what love is; but for others, love really doesn't, that's why it's such a rush. It is completely uncontrollable, at least on the part of the lover. We recognize features of a person, whether it's appearance or a gesture or a mindset as something we lack, usually with some basis in our own insecurities," she speaks in her silvery voice that I adore so much.

"That is beautiful, Ms. Knight," she replies. Dan's mouth is slightly open in a silent gasp. He never heard such an intelligent response from anyone, but he doesn't believe in love at first sight. Although he doesn't believe in love at first sight, he believes that he has a chance with Riley. He quickly closes his mouth when the bell for lunch rings. Dan shoves his supplies into his backpack. He accidentally bumps into Riley. Riley looks at him and smiles a little. Dan blushes a bit.

"Hey, Dan. Do you want to have lunch with me?" Riley asks. Her pale green eyes are sparkling. Dan looks over at his friend, Louise. She gives him a thumbs up. Dan glances back at Riley.

"Yes," Dan softly speaks. He doesn't want to sound overenthusiastic. Riley grins, and looks at Dan's hand. He peeks at Riley. Riley takes his hand gently and leads Dan to the cafeteria. Dan points to an empty table. People were staring at them, because Riley is one of the popular kids at school, while Dan isn't. Being seen with Riley definitely creates rumours, and Dan is starting to care.

"Don't worry about them. I just ignore them," Riley tries to reassure Dan, but Dan takes their rumours personally. She pulls up a chair for Dan. Dan smiles a little at her gesture and takes a seat. Riley asks what Dan would want to eat, then gets her and Dan lunch. Dan looks around the crowed lunchroom and listens to some of the conversations. He sees his group of friends, sitting at the table near the back, by a window. They notice Dan and give him encouragement. Dan smirks a bit.

Riley returns with lunch. She gently sets Dan's tray in front of him. Riley places her tray on the table, and sits close to Dan. He blushes at Riley. They talk about teachers they didn't like, and what kind of music they like. Riley and Dan don't share the same taste in music, but Dan didn't care. She doesn't like alternative rock, while Dan does.

"Hey, Dan. There's this movie that's playing tonight, but the thing is, I don't have anyone to go with. Would you like to join me?"

Dan is hesitant, but he answers, "Yes."

Later that day, Dan changes into a black long sleeve shirt, black skinny jeans, and black sneakers. He looks at the slip of paper that Riley gave him earlier, and walks to the address. She doesn't live too far from Dan, just a block and a half.

He arrives at her house. Dan walks to the front door step. He pauses. Dan is nervous to knock on the door. This is the girl he like since the beginning of high school. Dan finally knocks on the door.

Her father answers the door. He observes Dan's attire. He scoffs at Dan's appearance. Dan is hurt by this, but shakes it off eventually. Riley's father lets him in.

"Wait in the living room. I'll go get Riley," he says in a gruff voice. Dan sits on the tan, leather couch. He looks around the living room. He notices a photo of Riley and her mother. He picks it up. Riley looks about seven in the picture. Dan feels a smile creep on his face. He sets the picture back on the table.

"Hi, Dan," Riley scares him by accident. He looks wide eyed. Dan nearly jumps off the couch. "Sorry."

"No, it's fine. You look amazing," Dan states. She is wearing white skinny jeans, light brown thigh high boots, and a lilac blouse. Her purse is silver. Her makeup is beautiful, not over done, and not under done. It is at the perfect place on the scale of beauty. She adjusts the strap on her over the shoulder purse.

"Ready?" Riley asks.

"Yes," he replies.

"Bring her back by ten, or else."

"Dad. Not now," she sighs. Riley takes Dan's hand and leads him outside. She stands on the curb and hails a cab. Dan can't help but to look at her. Her round face, her soft, freckled skin, and her pale, round green eyes draws his attention.

After the cab ride, they arrive at the theatre. Dan gets out and opens the car door for Riley. She smiles and takes his hand. He pays the driver. Dan shows her to the ticket counter.

"Two, please," he looks at Riley and smiles. The lady hands him their tickets. Dan pays for them, then walks in with Riley. Riley's hand is on his shoulder, while Dan's hand is around her waist. She lets him keep his hand there. They find seats in the back. She rests her head on his shoulder. Dan smiles.

After the movie, Dan and Riley walk to her house.

"That was a wonderful movie," Dan speaks up.

"Yeah, it was."

"I saw a picture of you and your mother. You look cute," he replies. She freezes up. At that moment, he knows that he messed up. He gives her an apologetic look. She has a doleful expression on her face. Dan drops the topic, and changes the subject. They talk about hobbies. Riley tells him that she was a ballerina when she was younger, but her voice trails off. He could sense that she doesn't like talking about it.

They arrive at her house. She walks up to the door with Dan.

"I had an amazing time," she smiles.

"Me too," Dan tells her. She stands on her tip toes to kiss him. This is it; the moment he has waited for. He kisses her back. Her soft lips knead with his. His brown eyes close in passion. Dan's hands wrap around her waist. She pulls away after thirty seconds of kissing.

"Goodnight, Dan," she grins and walks into her house.

"Goodnight."

The weekend passes. Dan is sitting alone on the bus, when Louise gets on and sits beside Dan. Dan takes out his earbuds and turns his attention to her.

"So, how is Riley? Did you enjoy your date?" Louise questions Dan.

"Well, it went well, in my opinion."

"What happened? Did she kiss you?" Louise smiles. Dan turns red. "She did!" She exclaims. Dan shushes her. She goes into a whisper. "Are you going to see her again?"

"Duh," the school bus arrives at the school. Dan glances out the window and sees Riley. Dan's brown eyes twinkle with excitement. He quickly grabs his bag and pushes through the crowd to get off the bus. Riley smirks and pulls Dan into a kiss. His arms wrap around Riley's neck. Dan leans down. Her lips mend with Dan's.

After school, Dan is walking beside Riley to her place. Dan is holding her hand, their fingers intertwined with each other. Dan is talking about videos games with Riley, but Riley isn't really paying attention. She's on her phone. Dan gently bumps into a tall stranger with ebony hair, blue eyes, and pale skin. Dan apologises, and the stranger smiles at him, then looks away. Dan is stunned to feel a connection to a man he has never met. During Riley and his date, he couldn't stop thinking about the stranger. Dan couldn't stop thinking about the way the stranger smile at him. Riley doesn't smile at Dan like the stranger did.

Dan hasn't seen the stranger since then. He is curious to know more about the stranger. He kind of wants to see him again, but he wasn't sure where he could find him. He doesn't want to become a stalker, but he isn't sure what he is feeling for the stranger.

Riley and Dan go to the movies a few days after he bump into the stranger. During the previews, Riley goes to hold his hand and kiss his neck and mouth. Dan lets her a little but his heart isn't into it. Riley continues anyway. Dan looks vacant, but Riley doesn't notice.

That night, as he sleeps, Dan dreams of the black haired man touching and kissing him. He is getting turn on by this. Dan begins to masturbate in his sleep, touching his genitals, breathing deep. In the middle of it all, he wakes up startled. He can't believe what he was feeling. _'Am I falling for that man?'_ Dan thought. He feels conflict. He loves Riley, but with these past few days, he can feel that feeling dying.

Dan gets ready the next morning. He decides to skip breakfast. With the events of last night, he doesn't want to think about that stranger. He arrives to school after a ten minute bus ride. Louise greets him, along with Charlotte, Taylor and Samantha.

"What happen with you and Riley? Did you guys sleep together?" Charlotte asks.

"No."

"Well, you should have. She's making it very clear that she wants you," Samantha states

"Look, I don't think that I want her like that," Dan raises his voice. He walks away. He is tired of their questions. Riley walks up to him in the hallway.

"Did I do something wrong? You've been acting strange lately, and I'm worried."

"I'm fine, I promise," he fakes a smile for her. Dan, desperately wanting to try and be normal with a girl who likes him, kisses her.


	2. Chapter Two

That night, Dan is sitting at the dinner table with his parents.

"So, how is Riley, Dan?" His mother asks.

"She's okay. I haven't had a chance to text or call her. She's probably busy, I guess," he replies. Dan's parents give awkward glances to each other, then back to Dan. "What?"

"Do you not love her anymore?" Dan's father questions him.

"What do you mean? Of course I do," Dan is raising his voice.

"There is no need to raise your voice, Dan," his mother commands. Dan sighs in aggravation. Dan gets up and takes his plate to the kitchen. He goes up to his room after he clears his plate into the trash. He knows that their feeling is correct. He is losing feelings for Riley, and he has to tell her. His stomach is churning, and he isn't sure if it's because he didn't finish his dinner, or this big decision he has to make. Dan decides to sleep it off.

Dan's mother drives him to school early, because he has an assignment to work on. He waves goodbye to his mother and waits for his friends, Charlotte, Louise, Samantha and Taylor.

Louise is a bubbly and vivacious girl. Louise is the fashionista of the group. She seeks to help others and to improve herself in any way she can. She is a highly loyal friend, and is always willing to stand up for what she believes in.

Samantha is quiet and reserved. She is very loyal, faithful, and dependable. She places great importance on honesty and integrity. While she is generally take things very seriously, she also usually has an offbeat sense of humor and can be a lot of fun.

Taylor is pretty loud and rowdy although nothing really matters, but he's shy when he is around people he doesn't know. He's really sweet. She hates it when her best friends are angry for real at her, but she likes to just annoy/joke around with some people. He is very close to Charlotte, and only her. He doesn't feel the same way about Louise or Samantha. Taylor is an extravagant type. He is Dan's gay best friend. A lot of people aren't accepting of people who like the same sex, but Dan, Charlotte, Louise and Samantha are.

Dan sees them approach. He waves to them. Taylor is walking with his arm around Charlotte's shoulder. Louise and Samantha are talking to each other, but Dan can't hears them, due to students surrounding him. They reach him.

"Dan, are you alright? Rumours are spreading about you and Riley breaking up. Are you two going to break up?" Charlotte asks.

"What? No, of course not. Who told you this? Dan questions her.

"I heard it from some girls in my chemistry class," she says, without revealing their names. Dan sighs and drops it. "So, how is Riley?"

"She's fine, I think. I haven't called or texted her in a while."

"Maybe you text her now," Samantha speaks up.

"Yeah," he answers back.

"Want to join us for breakfast?" Louise suggests, but Dan shakes his head. They leave to the cafeteria. Dan sees Riley scrolling to him.

"Riley, is everything okay? I'm sorry that I haven't called or texted you. Are you mad at me?" Dan apologises.

"Of course everything is okay. My boyfriend refused to call or text me. I'm not mad, sweetie," she speaks sarcastically. Dan looks down. A raging fire of anger burns in her green eyes. "If you loved me, you would have called!" she shouts. People around them stare. He quivers in fear a little.

"I need to talk to you about that. I feel the love dying. I think we're over," he murmurs.

"Bastard," she hisses and spits in his face. Sorrow washes over him. Dan has never felt this sad before, but he has himself to blame. He could have called Riley, and now she is out of his life.

He tries to avoid her the rest of the day, but she would walk up to him and say some insult, or have her friends do it for her. He feels terrible. Dan's friends try to cheer him up, but nothing seems to work.

Later that night, Dan cries on his bed. He is confused over his emotions, and feels awful that he hurt a girl that only liked him and did him no harm. Dan is now at a low point of his young life. He goes to his bathroom and dries his red, puffy eyes. He stares at himself in the mirror, then shakes his head and walks out. He didn't dare look at himself. This is his fault, and he knows this.

Riley has moved on. She has a boyfriend who is on the rugby team. Dan sees them walking down the hallway past him. She doesn't even look at Dan. He slides his hands in his pockets. At lunch, Dan sits outside with his food. He is alone, until a guy walks up to him and sits beside him.

"Are you okay? Usually people sit out here if something is on their mind, so what's up?" the guy asks.

"Oh, the girl I liked and I broke up."

"That sucks. When was this?"

"Last week. She already has a new boyfriend. I know, I sound jealous. Maybe I am jealous, but it doesn't matter. What's your name?"

"John. What's yours?"

"Dan," John shakes his hand. He returns the gesture. A male year eleven student walks past them. John stares at the student. A smile grows on John's face. He stares at the student until he is out of sight.

"Wow, he has a nice ass, doesn't he?" John turns to Dan. Dan scoffs at the comment. Dan couldn't believe that John is making comments like this. "You know what though, Dan?"

"What?"

"I think you are the hottest guy in our year," Dan blushes and John tilts Dan's face his way and kisses him on the lips to Dan's surprise. Dan is in shock. A guy is kissing him, and he is enjoying it. Dan kisses him back. He feels ecstatic. A boy, who is one of the popular kids, is kissing him. An exuberant feeling washes over Dan. John pulls away.

"Come have lunch with me, Dan."

"Okay," John takes his hand and helps him to his feet. They walk into the cafeteria. They are no longer holding hands, but Dan is elated. He feels like he has finally found the one. They talk about video games. Dan finds out that they like the same games. He leans his cheek on his hand. His twinkling brown eyes are fixed on John.

Later that night, Dan is eating dinner with his parents. Dan's mother notices a change in her son, noting that he apparently had a good day. Dan just smiles. After dinner, he helps his mother with dishes. He goes upstairs when he is done with dishes. Dan gets dressed into his pajamas and lays down. That night, he thinks of John.

The next day at school, Dan waits for John, but he has no luck finding him. Dan's friend are worried about Dan. He hasn't been acting the same since Riley. After class, Dan tracks John down in the men's restroom. When no one is around, Dan starts to kiss him. John doesn't respond to it.

"Look, Dan. I didn't mean for you to get addicted to that kiss. I was just having some harmless fun. I wanted, and never will want, nothing more. Nothing will change between us though. I won't tell anyone about this. I'll keep this a secret," he tells Dan. Dan is crushed, thinking he found a potential partner.


	3. Chapter Three

Dan ignores most of his friends the rest of the day. He sees Taylor walking down the hall, and pulls him to bring him closer. Taylor stumbles and nearly falls. He adjusts his posture.

"What is it, Dan?"

"I want to go out tonight. Take me some place fun."

"Alright. I know this bar we can go to. I'll pick you up at six. Can I ask why?"

"I rather not talk about it. I just want to go out," Dan looks down.

"Alright. If you say so. Would you like to come to my place?"

"I guess," Dan mumbles. Taylor leads him to his 2009 silver Toyota Corolla. Dan sees John in the parking lot, talking to his friends. Dan turns away. He couldn't bear to be near John. Taylor senses that Dan is acting strange. Dan doesn't say anything and gets in. Tears are forming in Dan's eyes. Taylor notices this, but says nothing. He doesn't want to upset Dan any further. Taylor gets in and drives to his place.

They arrive to Taylor's flat. Dan gets out quickly. Streaks of tears stream down his face. Taylor walks up to him and places his hand on Dan's left shoulder. He glances at Taylor with teary eyes.

"There's something up, I know it. I saw the way you looked at John. Did he hurt you?"

"Yeah," Dan is hesitant to answer him, but he finally does. Taylor opens the door for Dan. He walks in. Taylor follows. Dan makes himself at home, by sitting on his couch. He has been at Taylor's place before. They have been friends since primary school. When they were younger, they would have sleepovers.

"What did John do?" Taylor questions.

"Well, after Riley, you know I've blamed myself, but I have been sitting outside, alone. He walked up to me, we talked for a bit, and this guy walks by. John says that he has a nice ass, and then we kissed. I enjoyed it, a lot, but John doesn't have feelings for me," Dan's voice trails off. Taylor rubs Dan's back. Dan is feeling worthless. He hurt Riley, and lost his chance with a guy who thought he is hot. "Maybe going out isn't the best idea," he mutters.

"Dan, I know that you feel rejected, but going out is the best thing you can do. Meet someone new, get crazy, live your life with no regrets. You can't be trapped by yourself your whole life. You'll have to let loose. Let's get your face dried off, and let's go out tonight."

"Alright. Thank you, Taylor."

Later that night, Dan and Taylor walk to the bar. Dan is wearing a black jacket, a gray shirt, black skinny jeans and black Converses. Taylor is wearing a long sleeve red and white raglan shirt, red Converses, and denim skinny jeans. Taylor's ginger hair is slicked back into a snap back hat that he is wearing backwards. Dan walks in behind him, after the bouncer checks their IDs.

Dan sits on a bar stool, looking around at the scene. People are dancing and kissing. He is bewildered by it all but also sad because he doesn't have that type of connection in his own life. Dan notices that Taylor is dancing with this girl. Dan smiles a little at them. He is grateful to have him as a best friend. He isn't having a good time. Dan walks up to Taylor.

"Hey, I'm heading home," he speaks louder than the blaring music. Taylor, who can barely understand a word Dan says, nods.

Dan walks out. He wanders around aimlessly, until he see a group of men. He decides to follow them. The group of men don't notice Dan, and walk into another bar that is two blocks away from the first bar.

When he gets there, he realizes it is a gay bar. He gets a few looks and some of the men flirt with him. Dan is a bit embarrassed by the attention and goes up to the bar and orders a beer. Looking up to the loft area he sees the very same black haired-man from that day. The man sees him too and grins. The man comes down and after deflecting another man from talking to Dan, begins to chat with him. The other man scorns him and storms off.

"Hey," the man greets Dan. The man's smile is stretched from cheek to cheek. The flashing lights soak up in his pale, fair skin. His light blue eyes are warm and lively. His voice is modulated. Dan's ears have never heard such a beautiful sound.

"Hi."

"I'm Phil."

"Dan," Dan replies. Phil smiles.

"You're new to the scene, aren't you?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Only newbies only order that drink. Here, try this," Phil gives him a taste of his strawberry milk drink, to which Dan admits he finds gross. Phil laughs. Dan smiles. His heart is racing.

"You know, we don't get too many of your type in this bar."

"What's my type?" Dan asks.

"The younger type," he replies.

"So, Phil. What do you do for a living?" Dan changes the subject.

"I'm an English major at York. I'm in my fourth year of college. What do you do, Dan?"

"I'm, I'm still in high school," he utters. "How old are you, Phil?"

"Twenty-two. How old are you?"

"Eighteen," Phil's friends walk up and tell him they are going to another club and want him to come. Phil introduces Dan as his cousin to them. Phil then leaves, but not before getting Dan to tell him the name of his high school that he attends.

Dan walks back home alone. He is feeling jubilant, and decides to call Taylor.

"Dan, do you realise what time it is?"

"That doesn't matter. I met someone as this gay bar."

"What do you mean? I thought you went home. I went home shortly after you said you did, because I wanted you to have a good time."

"I'm sorry, but his name is Phil."

"Phil, huh. That's nice. Couldn't this have waited until morning?"

"I don't think so," Dan replies. Taylor sighs. Dan arrives home. He quietly unlocks the door and tiptoes to his bedroom. He takes off his jacket and shoes. Dan plops on his bed.

"What does he look like? Is he cute?"

"He has black hair, pale skin and light blue eyes. His voice is pleasant to listen to. I could hear him talk for hours. His eyes were shimmering. His skin looked soft and creamy. You should have seen the way the lights shined on his hair. He's in his fourth year of college as an English major. We talked about poetry and favorite authors. He is such an amazing person," Dan couldn't help smiling to himself.

"Sounds like you really hit it off with Phil. Now, let me sleep. We have school in the morning," before Dan could object, Taylor hung up. He is right. Dan needs to sleep. He turns off his lamp on his nightstand, and slowly falls asleep. He thinks about Phil.

The next day, Dan practically runs downstairs to join his parents for breakfast. He kisses his mother on her cheek.

"You're in a good mood. Did anything exciting happen?"

"Yes. I met a guy. His name is Phil," Dan replies with a grin.

"What a lovely name. Now, hurry up and eat. We don't want you to be late," Dan does as he is commanded, and sits down to eat.

When he finishes breakfast, he catches the bus for school. He sits alone. None of his friends are on the bus, which is fine to him. He has the thought of Phil to fill the loneliness.

When he arrives to school, Louise, Taylor, Samantha and Charlotte are waiting by the front door. Dan quickly gets off the bus and rushes to them.

"You're in a good mood, Dan. What's up?" Samantha examines.

"Taylor took me to a bar last night, and I talked to this girl," he lies. He didn't want to tell them that he went to a gay bar alone. He knows that they are accepting to Taylor, but he wasn't sure if his friends would be accepting of him.

"That's wonderful! What's her name? Are you going to see her again? Do you have her number?" Charlotte chimes in.

"Her name is Fiona, maybe, and no, I didn't," he responds. Louise, Samantha and Charlotte groan.

"You're not very helpful, Dan," Louise remarks.

As school lets out, Dan is with his group of friends when he sees Phil waiting for him. Dan goes to him, ignoring all the calls of his friends. Phil invites Dan to come and get a drink with him. Only Taylor realises what is really going on and watches silently as the two guys walk away. They walk to the park near his school. Dan and Phil sit on a park bench.

"I was big on Sartre in high school," Phil says, starting a conversation with Dan.

"Really?"

"It did me good. Especially in affirming my freedom and my own values, and the rigorousness of his commitments. I agree with it."

"Sort of like Bob Marley. Almost."

"I'm not so sure of it," Phil laughs.

"I'm almost sure of it. Their ideas are similar. You know "Get Up, Stand Up"?"

"Yeah I know it."

"He's committed."

"It's true," Phil nods in agreement.

"Same as Sartre. A philosopher, a prophet, same thing," Phil checks his watch.

"I have to go. Will I see you again?"

"Yes. Here," Dan gives Phil his number. As they stand up to leave, Phil stares at Dan for a long time and moves closer as if to kiss him. Phil kisses Dan's cheek and leaves, leaving Dan feeling marvelous.

When Dan gets home later, his mother tells him a friend, Phil, is on the phone. Dan rushes up and takes the call like a nervous schoolboy talking to his crush. They talk about future careers they wish to have, and classes.

"My English class is reading 'The Life of Marianne'," Dan tells Phil.

"I love that book. Are you enjoying it?"

"Well, I haven't been paying attention. I'm not much of a reader. When I'm older, I would love to be an actor. I was a few plays with I was younger."

"That kind of contradicts what you said, but I wish I could see you perform."

"Well, we have auditions for a play next week, maybe you can come?"

"Of course. I got to go. I got a load of homework to do. Talk to you later?"

"Yes."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

The next day, Dan is walking with Taylor. He is talking about what Phil and him talked about, when he is quickly and decisively confronted by a group of girls. The leader of this group of girls is Rebecca.

"Hey, why are you hanging out with an obvious faggot?" Rebecca asks loudly. People are staring at them. Dan dislikes attention like this. He tries to push through them, but they block his way.

"He's not a faggot, and he's just a friend." Dan tries to deflect their questioning. However, the third degree continues and turns very ugly.

"Did you go to a bar with Taylor?" she asks.

"No," he tries to deny.

"Why are you lying? Of course we went to a bar." Taylor confirms.

"Fine, we went to a bar." Dan finally admits. Things go from bad to worse.

"Are you gay?" Rebecca pretend to say that she don't care if he is but she want him to admit it. One of her friends gets very mean.

"They totally slept together in the same bed naked. Do you ever wanted him?" One of the girls laughs. Another girl finally takes it too far.

"Did you get a taste of his dick?" she asks. This sets Dan off and he attacks the girl. Taylor pulls Dan away from the girls.

"You know nothing!" Dan yells. The girls scream at him. One of girls of the group tells the others they took it way too far; they meant to ask politely and they ended up verbally abusing Dan.

Dan is in class having trouble concentrating on his studies. He is visibly upset and depressed about what happened between him and those girls. He couldn't bear to tell Louise, Charlotte, Samantha, or Phil; especially Phil.


	4. Chapter Four

Dan has to distract himself. He is thinking about what he wants to tell Phil. He can't focus on his homework. Dan gets up off his bed and paces his bedroom. His heart is pounding loudly against his rib cage. Dan decides to call Phil.

"Hello?" Phil picks up his phone. He is sitting in his room, doing his assignments. Phil sets his work on the table beside his half filled coffee mug.

"Hey Phil.

"Hello, Dan. What's going on? Are you doing your assignments?"

"Not much, and I'm taking a quick break to talk to you. Can I ask you something?" Dan shakes nervously.

"You can ask me anything."

"Would, would you like to like to go on a date?" Dan stutters. Phil's eyes widen a little. He turns red as a tomato. Dan blushes too. They remain silent for a while. "Are you there?"

"Yes, I will go on a date with you. What do you have in mind?"

"Well, I know this beautiful art gallery. Maybe we can get dinner later? What time works for you?"

"Seven. Should I pick you up?"

"Yes," Dan gives a timid smile. Phil grins, then hangs up after they say goodbye to each other. Dan and Phil work on finishing their homework. A few hours pass. Dan checks his phone. The phone reads 6:50 pm. Panic washes over him. Dan quickly gets dressed into nicer clothes, sprays cologne, and runs downstairs. His parents are in the lounge, when they see him running towards the front door. They exchange strange glances at each other.

"Where's the fire, son?" Dan's father asks.

"I have a date."

"With who?" Dan's mother chimes in. He gulps. Dan knew that he couldn't tell the truth, but he is talking to his parents, so he has to.

"A girl," Dan doesn't tell the truth, because he knows that his parents would not react well to the fact that he is going with a boy.

"Be back by nine," his father demands. Dan waves to them and walks out of the house. He steps down the front stairs when he sees Phil pull up in his car. He gets out of his car. A blush forms on Dan's face. Phil's hair is in a quiff. He is wearing black skinny jeans, and a blue long sleeve button up shirt with black hearts all over it. His black sneakers glisten in the streetlight. Dan's heart is hammering.

"You look, amazing," Dan says his thoughts out loud. He realises what he has said and covers his face in embarrassment. Phil chuckles and walks up to Dan. His face is still covered with both of his hands. Phil moves them away. Dan gets flustered. He kisses Dan on the cheek.

"Let's go. Would you mind leading me to the art gallery?" Phil asks.

"Not at all," he replies. He opens the door for Dan. Dan climbs into the car. Phil shuts the door gently and gets into the car as well. Dan instructs him where to go. Phil drives there. His eyes are focused on the road, while Dan's eyes are fixed on Phil's round face. He couldn't help but to admire Phil. Dan's pupils are dilated. Without knowing it, he is mirroring Phil's body language. He takes a gander at Dan and has a incandescent smile.

They arrive to the art gallery. Phil climbs out to open the door for Dan and offers his hand to him. 'What a gentleman.' Dan thought. He takes Phil's hand. They walk up and pay for tickets. They enter the building. They get glances of disapproval from everyone when Dan and Phil enter, because they are holding hands. Dan let's go of Phil's hand; feeling shame. Phil is upset at everyone, because Dan shouldn't have to feel ashamed to hold his hand.

Dan is admiring a painting, but Phil is staring at Dan in awe. Phil is in love with Dan. He knows this, but Dan isn't sure if he loves Phil. He knows that his heart races every time he sees Phil. 'What if I do love Phil? What would my parents say? What would Phil say?' These questions scream and echo inside Dan's mind. Without realising it, Dan is rubbing the back of his neck.

"Are you okay, Dan? You're rubbing the back of your neck. Is everything alright?" Phil worriedly asks. Dan stops rubbing his neck.

"Yeah," Dan rubs his eyes. Phil crosses his arms. "What?"

"You're lying. Look, you can tell me anything. You know this," he sighs and uncrosses his arms. Dan gets baffled by his emotions. He wants to tell Phil everything, but in his heart he knows that would be a terrible idea, so he remains silent.

After the date, Phil drives Dan home. Dan's heart is beating loudly. He's hoping Phil can't hear it. What Dan doesn't know, is that Phil is thinking the same thing. They get out of the car simultaneously when Phil arrives at Dan's house. Dan walks up to the front steps. He follows and takes Dan's hands.

"I had a great time," Phil pulls Dan closer. He doesn't have a choice and goes along with it. Their noses are touching. Heat radiates from Dan's cheeks. Phil softly giggles. There is an awkward silence between them. Dan desperately wants to make the first move, to count for the times Phil has kissed him on the cheek, but his body is frozen. His eyes are staring at Phil's vibrant blue eyes. Dan licks his lips. Phil smirks at him.

For a moment, Dan thinks maybe he isn't going to kiss him, but before he could ponder it further, Phil yanked Dan to him and covered his mouth with his in a hungry kiss. He responds immediately, surprising himself. His mouth is so warm, the caress of his lips softer than he could have imagined. He tastes tentatively with his tongue, and Dan opens his mouth with a low moan.

"Daniel James Howell! What are you doing? You come inside right now!" Dan's mother exclaims from the open lounge window.

"Are your parents, you know?" Phil whispers quietly. Dan couldn't get the words out, so he nods. "I'll be back, I promise," he pulls away and waves goodbye to him. Dan is devastated and petrified. He trudges to the door. Dan is hesitant to open the door, but before he can, his mother yanks the door open and pulls Dan inside. He is feeling frantic.

"What were you doing? You were kissing a man! A man! Why?" she loudly whispers, because Dan's father is sleeping upstairs in his parents' bedroom. She is repulsed by Dan's actions. She slaps him hard. He is shocked, but does nothing about this. Dan knows that he deserves this. "Go to your room, young man. Your father will take care of you when you get home from school. You will come straight home tomorrow," Dan hangs his head in burden. He clumps upstairs to his room.

He is dreading today. Dan decides to skip breakfast, because his stomach is crumbling inside. He avoids Louise on the school bus. She gives him a confused glance, but he doesn't return the look. Louise senses that something is wrong, so she joins him.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he replies, and she sighs. The ride to school is awkward, but the silence is filled with chatter of other students. They arrive to school ten minutes later. Taylor, Charlotte and Samantha are talking and waiting by the front door. Dan lumbers off the bus. He trudges past his friends. Taylor notice this and follows him.

"Dude, what's wrong? You look down. Is everything alright?" Taylor questions him, but he ignores Taylor. Dan goes into his locker and gets his textbooks. He shoves them in his backpack. Taylor grabs Dan by his shoulders and pins him against the lockers. Dan gasps, while Taylor clenches his teeth. Dan has never seen Taylor so angry.

"Okay, I'll tell you what's going on. I went out with Phil, and after the date, we kissed, but my mother saw us, and I know I'm going to be punished for it," Dan confesses. Taylor relaxes and let's go of Dan. Dan looks down, and Taylor pulls him into a hug. He returns the hug. Dan doesn't want to let go, because he feels defeated.

When Dan's parents come home from work, Dan's heart sinks. His mother is telling his father everything. Dan's father clenches his fist and turns red in the face. He storms up to Dan and punches him in the jaw. He grabs Dan by his collar of his shirt, and throws him against the wall. Dan feels tears streaming down his face.

"You're a fucking disgrace to this family! I hope you burn in Hell for your actions! You're no longer my son!" he screams as he bashes Dan's face in. He tries to deflect his father's kicks, but he couldn't. Dan begins blubbering. "He's crying like the pussy he is!" his father laughs. He is about to stomp on his face, but his mother rushes to him. She yanks him away from Dan. Tears and snot are rushing down his bloody face.

"I think he has learned his lesson," she spits her venom at Dan. Her husband steps away from Dan.

"Get your stuff and get out of my house, faggot," he commands. Dan hobbles upstairs to pack a bag. He has never felt so unwanted. He shoves some clothes into a duffel bag, then goes to the bathroom to clean his face. Dan limps downstairs, then falters out the house. He wants to call Phil and tell him to pick him up, but he knows that he could never do that to Phil. Dan ambles around the city.

The long shadows of the evening dissolve into the gathering darkness of the nighttime. The air cools and the crickets sing. People are tuck snugly in their homes, while Dan is sleeping in an alley, alone. The autumn air bites at Dan. He shivers in his sleep. Phil and his friends are walking to the bar. They march by the alley Dan is sleeping in, and Phil notices him. He stops and stares at Dan.

"You guys go without me," Phil demands, and his friends don't object. When they are out of sight, Phil hurries to Dan. "Dan, wake up, please," he shakes Dan's shoulder. Dan jolts upright in surprise. he grabs Phil and holds him closely. Enthusiasm washes over Dan. Phil helps Dan to his feet, and gathers his things. Dan treads beside Phil as their head to Phil's place.

He unlocks the front door for Dan. Dan scuffs inside, and Phil follows. He admires the dorm room. On the left side of the room, lies a bed with a bookshelf hanging at least a meter above the headboard. The shelf is littered with books. On the right side of the room, is a brown, Lawson-style sofa. The television is sitting on a television unit across the sofa. A glass coffee table separates the distance between the television unit and the sofa.

"You have a nice setup," Dan speaks up. Phil thanks him. He sets Dan's duffel bag on the floor by the sofa.

"Well, since there is only one bed, you can sleep in the bed, and I'll sleep on the sofa," Phil suggests.

Dan pauses, but chimes in, "Wait."

"Yes?"

"Would you, would you sleep with me? Not sexually, but, you know," he mutters, but Phil hears him. He strides closer to Dan. He gets flustered by Phil's actions. He grabs Dan's face gently, and stares into his glistening, brown eyes. Phil has never been so madly in love with someone before. "Can I ask you something?" Dan breaks the silence.

"Of course," Phil let's go of Dan's face.

"How old were you when, you know, kissed a boy?"

"I was fourteen. I was at my best friend's swimming pool party, and when we went to his house, I kissed him," he responds. Dan tilts his head and kisses Phil. Their lips glide smoothly with each other's. Their eyes study each other lovingly, before closing in pleasure. Phil's fingers creep up to Dan's cheek. His hands grip Phil's waist and he pulls him closer. They never have felt more exuberant. Dan has tears in his eyes which roll down his face. He finally has found a romantic connection that satisfies his body and his emotions.


	5. Author's Note

Hi, so I recently got a complaint about my phanfic, so I will not be continuing this one, even though I have the next two chapters ready.


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